91. I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

92. A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched with tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”

Advertisements

93. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”

Advertisements

94. At home, they treat me like God. I’m generally ignored until someone wants something.

Advertisements