79. Wife: “I’m pregnant.” Husband: “Hi pregnant, I’m dad.” Wife: “No, you’re not.”

80. My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning. I said, “Nah, most of the time I just let him sleep.”

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81. Wife: “I want another baby.” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”

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82. I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.”

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